Monday, 6 May 2019

I can change like the weather


Ah Malta. They love the Eurovision in Malta, and they love us. Every year without fail they give us 10 or 12 points, even when we enter rubbish like this. In return every year we give them nul points and then send them thousands of gurning, thuggish holidaymakers to urinate against their beach bars and harass their daughters every summer.

If you want to breathe, let's go outside in the open

Jurij Veklenko
Run With The Lions

Back in the day Eurovision was quite a treat, largely because you got to peek behind the often Iron curtains of other nations and get a glimpse of their culture and food and pop music. I mean I was barely four when this happened, but I definitely told my mummy that I wanted to go Germany after this- although it turned out that Germany wasn't a land of flamboyant disco warriors after all, but a land of racists taking the piss out of Mongolia.