Some countries throw half their GDP at Eurovision, but even when your total GDP is the cost of a pint in Copenhagen airport you can still pull off a masterpiece. In 2010 for example the Greeks were so skint they handed the whole business of song picking to Universal Music Europe, and then stuck their "National Final" in the Hellenic equivalent of Westfield, with an tiny audience of customers bored queuing in TK Maxx. Look closely and you won't even see any proper speakers - the sound was piped through the shopping centre PA system as she mimed in the dark.
Despite this "Aphrodisiac" was completely brilliant and the kind of song that could only exist in Eurovision - upbeat, modern, melodic, punchy, quintessentially Greek bouzouki stilleto pop that managed to rhyme "disiac" with "maniac" - all of which makes this year's entry so disappointing. Katerine is a moderately credible indie artist with another of those distinctive voices that is so distinctive that it sounds anything but distinctive, doing one of those Jess Glynne songs that sounds like a wounded vole crying for help in a branch of Dolcis accompanied by the music they pipe into the toilets at Athens airport (departure side).
A couple of years ago Airline Jet2 had to apologise after an increased number of complaints from passengers about repeated plays of ‘Hold My Hand’ by Jess Glynne on their flights. "Jet 2 drinking game, have a shot every time Jess Glynne's Hold my hand is played" wrote one passenger. Another added: “The worst thing about flying with Jet 2 is having to hear jess Glynne about six times". A third said "Looking at flights for summer and avoiding all things Jet 2 related cos id rather stab myself in the ears than listen to that shit jess glynne track on repeat before takeoff". And another opined "that Jess Glynne song on Jet 2 planes makes me wanna smash my head against the window", which is exactly how I feel about this Greek entry.
Here's a betting tip for you. This won't even get full marks from Cyprus. Opa!