Monday, 7 May 2018

Pardon me but I don't wanna go back


I have an entirely unjustified soft spot for the Swiss, which I think is derived from hundreds of summer mornings spent watching badly dubbed episodes of Heidi from behind the sofa. That Goat Peter. What an asshole!

It's unjustified because they are so rubbish at Eurovision that they make us look like the Swedes. We've seen it all. Vampires, Golden Showers, terrible English ("sweem against the stroom" indeed), four generations of the Salvation Army, ena stupendo and an ena stupendously annoying twiddly dee folk song performed by a smug pillock in a waistcoat.

At least they were interesting. Die Entscheidungsshow was perhaps the season's most arse hardeningly dull National Final and it appears to have produced the season's most arse hardeningly dull entry from the season's most arse hardeningly dull group. "What are the three most impressive facts about you", asks the press release bot. "We don't try to be impressive" comes the response. You don't say.

Sibling band "Zibbz" describe themselves as a “trash-pop indie rock band” who “combine their love of fun, innovation, and toy instruments to create a new sound and stage presence that has been viewed as unique and the next ‘big thing’ to hit the airwaves and everyone’s ear drums”

Which is fine if you think the turgid sound of an early 90s Anastasia album track is the "next big thing", but I doubt it.

Don't push my wheelchair down the hill, Goat Peter! Oh- not to worry. I can walk. It's a miracle. And now, Heidi, I'm gonna celebrate like it's 2004.