Thursday, 3 May 2018

A part of me is feeling weak

Gromee feat. Lukas Meijer
Light Me Up

One of the official purposes of the Eurovision song contest is that it enables people like me to dance. I can wriggle my hips or jump up and down on the spot or pretend to be "mixing" a "record" with the best of them. The trouble is that "them" in this case means other sad mid 40s Eurovision fans clustered into Sector 6 of whichever provincial hockey stadium the contest is placed each year.

The cameras generally aren't put anywhere near us because the visual plan for the show being beamed around Europe doesn't include shots marked "pan to a group of balding men in full Union Jack suits", "empty seats because people that have bought a fan pass haven't arrived for the Tuesday semi", or "your dad dancing with loads of other dads at a wedding".

Gromee feat. Lukas MeijerFor reasons I have been thus far unable to pinpoint, CBeebies mainstay "Twirlywoos" last year commissioned some research into "Dad Dancing", and found that the age that men start doing it is 37 years old. It also identified Stayin’ Alive by the Bee Gees as the ultimate dad dancing song – followed by Hot Chocolate’s You Sexy Thing and Waterloo by Abba.

“We believe dad dancing should be celebrated, because just like the Twirlywoos, it is silly, fun and full of surprises", says the tenuous press blurb. “As part of our search for Dad Dancer of the Year, we’re calling on families across the country to submit footage of their fathers, young and old, busting some moves on the dance floor".

Well I've got an entry! One of these dads in the Eurovision audience has broken away from the pack, asked a regionally popular dance production act to let him do the vocals on a dance track, and come Thursday night will be on the actual stage, wriggling his hips and jumping up and down on the spot and pretending to be "mixing" a "record". In a silly hat. With a truck load of pyros.