Monday, 30 April 2018

You're afraid that you might suffer

Image result for macedonia eurovision heartFYR Macedonia
Eye Cue
Lost and Found

The (Former Yugoslav Republic of) Macedonia has only managed to qualify once in the past decade, and even then they didn't deserve it- belting out a balkan trouser-suit ballad that I managed to miss in its entirety as I took a carefully timed three minute wizz (air).

So this year instead of entering one song, they've taken loads of songs- bits of laid back reggae, hot pop EDM, a bit of Coldplay, shook them up like a bottle of Kaolin and Morphine and got a sort of Macedonian version of N-Dubz to front it.

Eye Cue
I think they were aiming for the majesty of Girls Aloud's Biology in the tempo changes, but instead the reggae bits just sit there like a McDonalds milkshake on your stomach after a night out or like a tired, thirsty dog on a hot day that just can't be arsed to greet the boy delivering a free newspaper full of adverts for solariums and independent carpet shops that you are never going to visit unless you are really desperate for a remnant for your shed or that tanned look for a hot date after your bitter, expensive, painful divorce.

"Leading producer" (Mr)Bojan(gles) Dimitrov says "This is a song about deep and unconditional love where one can dive deeper into the world of the unknown and experience the magic of true and powerful love", which is all very well but it just sounds like a bit of Eurovision smut to me. "Come and take me/ I can show you how it’s done/ Come and take me/When no one is around/ (Go deeper) Go deeper". How romantic.

Apparently the band get bigger and smaller depending on the project, so I'm hoping they bring back Macedonian girl group XXL from 2000 to be their backing singers. "The Spice Girls have a lot to answer for", mutters Wogan as he crashes the vocal, which is rich coming from him.