Friday, 27 April 2018

Why can’t we treat each other well

Ari Ólafsson
Our Choice

I once went to a whole conference about Eurovision. An entire day of papers and panel discussions and Paddy O'Connell spouting pseudo-academic twaddle like how the song contest has "provided a platform for the creation of national and European identities", how the event "has embraced and celebrated diversity by showcasing minority communities" and how it has been used as a "nation branding tool by countries such as Estonia and Ukraine". And I got an EBU biro.
I was sat at the back thinking that the audience mainly appeared to be a Segway of saddos who'd given up their day to come and gawp at library footage and moan at the man from the BBC about our entry, until I went to the toilet, took a good hard look at myself and realised that I was just a saddo that had given up his day to come and gawp at library footage and moan at the man from the BBC about our entry. The bastards.
Ari Ólafsson
Anyway on the day one of the more exciting sessions was from a nervous woman that works for the EBU on audience research, who revealed that on the night of the final the country with the highest audience share hits 99%. Christ on a bike- 99% people that are in are watching the Eurovision in Iceland. Can you imagine? I mean sure that's still only about 130 people but still. Viva viva! We are the 99%!

Their entry this year is from an insipid young lad called Ari Ólafsson, and fact fans will revel in the news that his uncle is sex pervert Paul Oscar off of 1997's entry, whose "very important tip" is surprisingly not "have 4 four women in PVC writhe around on stage with you whilst you do a shit robot dance", but "enjoy every moment of this amazing adventure". Ari is a sort of big wheel in Icelandic musical theatre and so the entry is like a sort of whiney, childish mannequin shop dummy version of the Norway entry in 2010 only without the oomph.

It's every bit as boring as it sounds, and certainly won't be scooping the 12 points that we gave to the classic "Nei eda já" by Heart 2 Heart in 1992, which as far as I'm concerned features the best key change of all time time in any song ever.